DERP

The Division Emergency Response Plan didn't choose their name very wisely.

wet sneeze

liz is our new part time.

strawberry blond. never seen her without it in a ponytail.

she's less than five foot nothing. acts like a promising 12 year old with a weird streak.

she's 30.

nice though.

the more i work with her the more odd she gets.

last time i was trying my hardest to get the store clean for closing while she counter jockeyed, taking care of customers.

i wasn't ten feet away. earshot. sink running. rinsing off the cappuccino machine nozzles.

out of view, but it's a small store. you can hear each other from anywhere in it.

over the sink i hear her sneeze. a couple of times in a row.

when there's a break in customers i get the last piece rinsed and walk around to see her, sour expression.

liz see's me.

" can i go to the bathroom? "

" uh. yeah. sure. "

" i didn't know where you were. "

she stepped out from behind the counter and showed me a wet spot in the crotch of her pants.

" what's that? " i ask.

" um. a customer spilled something. "

there was no evidence of this anywhere else.

" oh. okay. well yeah, go ahead. "

once she's in the bathroom i realize she'd sneezed and pissed herself.

i didn't want to ask her this directly. she seemed embarrassed.

when she came back i was stocking some cigarettes.

" hey. i'm always in earshot. and if i'm not i'll tell you before i go anywhere. just so you know. "

" thanks. "

don't squash yellow bugs

i was on my way to work. it was a different way that usual. the highway.

i could have sworn i could get over. the way was clear. but when i started to shift to the left lane a yellow bug blared her horn and sped up.

i pulled back to the previous lane. heart in my throat.

i felt a flash of anger. at the bug, at me.

after a few moments i safely got over. pulling myself right behind the bug at a stop light where a road ran through the highway.

i tried to avoid looking up into the bug rear view mirror. didn't want to catch a glare that told me i was an idiot.

i took a glance. she wasn't looking at her rear view mirror. she was looking at her passenger seat.

holding up some kind of octopus plush toy and shaking it in a soothing, distracting manner.

as if to calm a startled, crying baby.

i am an idiot.